Friends - Terms of reference

 

It is often difficult to know how to be a good friend and what to expect of each other. Being a good friend is not about material support that is one sided, for example a babysitter while you go out or someone you call if the bus does not show up to come and fetch you, to save a taxi fare. It is not someone that just echoes whatever you say, and always agrees with you.

So what sort of friend do you want, and in return what sort of friend should you be to them.

The first priority is to be trustworthy, to be reliable and keep absolute confidences. Never to take action yourself that you feel would be good for a person without their approval first. They need to know whatever they have done, however terrible, whatever your view on the topic that you will give them unconditional love and understanding. Take for example a person who feels that abortion is wrong, and their friend comes to them and says that they have a had a fling with someone at work, got pregnant and decided to have an abortion. The persons first priority is to support their friend in their time of need, even though it goes against their own beliefs.

On the other hand a friend should tell you honestly what they think, even if it hurts on occasions, they should tell you when they think you are making a mistake, although support you if you want to go ahead, being ready to pick up the pieces. If you ask if your bum is too fat, they should answer as honestly as they are able, or if you take them to help you select clothes, they likewise should tell you what they feel.

It is not the job of a friend to sell you beliefs, religion, politics, they can of course discuss what they feel but should never make any attempt to convert you.